The Drunken Time Lord
by ChocolateandRedBull
Summary: Amy and Rory get The Doctor drunk, much to River's dismay.
1. Chapter 1

A dark blue, 1960's police box stood lonely on a derelict street corner. Passers-by stopped and stared for a moment, feeling it was slightly out of place in 26th century Blackpool, some even trying to open it, but when they found it locked, they simply went on their way.

A tall, dishevelled, obviously intoxicated man fumbled with his keys as he stumbled down the street, feeling particularly angry with that post-box he'd just had an argument with. He was being followed by a red-headed girl dragging another man along by his tie, kissing him deeply when he got too near, giggling and laughing as they ran into a bin on the side of the road. When the group came across the old phone box, the tall, floppy haired man unlocked it and fell into it, leaving his companions to pretty much _ride_ each other up against the side of it.

Doctor River Song had been trying to replace the brake pads on the TARDIS for quite a while now. Why the Doctor insisted on keeping them on constantly was still a mystery to her. She had just been about to connect the last cable when the door slammed open and her husband stormed in, looking rather angry. His bowtie was wrapped around his upper thigh and his suspenders were hanging off his hips, a fez askew on top of his head. She stood up as he marched over to her, "Sweetie-" she squeaked, surprised when he crashed their lips together and started to grind on her roughly, grunting and groaning, full of need.

Once the Doctor calmed down somewhat and got into a slow, sloppy rhythm, Amy tumbled through the door, pulling Rory along by his tie, laughing and giggling at each other in their obviously drunken state. Once they saw the Doctor and River somewhat _entwined, _the giggling and grinning stopped and Rory's face turned to one of disgust. The Doctor had his hands in the back pockets of River's trousers and had one leg hitched to curl around hers, pinning her to the TARDIS controls. River was silent as the Doctor's tongue explored her mouth, while the Doctor was moaning and grunting profusely, grinding into her slowly.

Amy cleared her throat, and while she got no reaction out of River, the Doctor pulled one hand out of River's pockets to give both his parents-in-law the middle finger. Just as he was about to return his hand to its previous position, Amy grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away from her daughter. Both River and the Doctor looked slightly dazed.

Then Amy slapped him upside the head.

"Oi! We're busy here!" The Doctor slurred, and then wrapped his arms back around his wife, continuing to kiss her deeply and buck his hips against hers. River pulled away and gasped for breath as the Doctor wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, burying his face in her shoulder, singing some sort of Gallifreyan song under his breath, eyes closed and swaying slightly. River turned to her parents, "_What did you guys do to him?!_" she hissed, very aware of the large bulge pressing into her upper thigh. Rory suddenly became very interested in his shoes as his daughter glared at him.

Suddenly, Amy started to laugh, not like a snigger or a giggle, a full laugh where she had to gasp for breath to keep from passing out. Then Rory started laughing too, both of them holding on to each other to keep from falling over. "Well we- we were- the Doctor- and Rory-" Amy spluttered, not being able to speak without laughing. "We were- and a bottle- whiskey and- and vodka- an-and some karaoke- and- the fez an' Capt'n Jack - and S-Strax" Rory laughed, face going red.

River groaned, and patted her husband's back. "Okay," she sighed "Rory, Amy, off to bed, I'll take care of the Doctor." Rory giggled as he brushed Amy's hair from her face, Amy grinning widely at him the whole time. Then Rory paled. He groaned as he wrapped his arms around his stomach, "Mels, my tummy's going funny..." he warned. He then gasped and bent over. With a cough and a groan, the floor of the TARDIS was covered in Rory's dinner. This was quickly followed by Amy's. Rory and Amy both groaned in unison and together they both stumbled through the door to their bedroom.

River rubbed the Doctors back as he hummed, obviously content with the position he was in. "Riv'r?" he slurred. "What is it, sweetie?" she cooed. "Vodka _burns," _he said, coughing dryly. "Oh sweetie, I know, I thought you learned your lesson the last time you drank, you may be _able_ to hold more alcohol, but that doesn't mean you _should_" she said. "But Amy kept giving me more and more and I didn't wanna be rude and refuse it," he slurred, "A-And Rory wanted to see me try and fly the... the... Sexy, drunk," he said slowly, slurring his words more as he got towards the end of his explanation.

River continued to rub her husband's back as he clung to her, chin resting on her shoulder. He was swaying more and more now and River was finding it harder and harder to keep the Doctor upright.

Then he coughed.

He coughed once, twice- on the third time, River felt the unfortunately slightly familiar feeling of vomit run down her back. The Doctor whimpered softly and buried his face in River's shoulder, simultaneously wiping his mouth on her shirt.

River winced as the vomit hit her back, and patted her husband's back as he whimpered. "Come along, Doctor, let's get you into bed, we'll sort out this mess in the morning," she said sympathetically, as she slowly led him to their bedroom. She expected this sort of behaviour from the Doctor but she expected her parents to have a little bit more sense.

River sat him on their bed, where he promptly fell back and hit his head on the headboard with a dull thump. The Doctor groaned quietly. River tutted and kissed his forehead. "Shh, Doctor, you're okay. I'm just going to go and change my top and I'll be right with you." The Doctor just grunted in response, resting his chin on his chest and closing his eyes.

When River returned to the Doctor, she found him sitting, hunched over the side of the bed, breathing rather quickly. River grabbed the conveniently placed metal bin and rushed over to her husband's side. "Riv'r..." the Doctor gasped, getting paler by the second, having regressed into Gallifreyan. "Shh, Doctor, It's alright, let it all out and I promise you'll be just fine," she cooed, rubbing his back with one hand as she held the bin in front of him with the other.

A few moments passed and nothing came up, but the Doctor was still in the same position, breathing rapidly. "River..." he moaned, "Help me..." he said, gasping as his stomach cramped painfully. River was at a loss. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her husband's queasy stomach, hoping to relieve some of the pain. "Sweetie, look at what you've done to yourself, if Rory and Amy ever give you anymore alcohol, I want you to come straight to me and I'll sort them out, okay?"

The Doctor moaned in response, gasping as he felt another cramp. "Oka-" he tightened his hold on the bin and immediately started retching. "Shh, Sweetie, well done, you're okay, honey, you're okay," his wife cooed.

After what felt like a lifetime, the Doctor sat up and wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and let out a rather loud belch, "River?" he asked, excitedly. "Yes, sweetie?" she asked wearily. "Can we go to Craig's house? I wanna play with Stormagedden! See? I'm the Oncoming Storm and he's Stormagedden! See, River? See?" he yelled excitedly, like a child on Christmas morning. "No, sweetie, I'm sure Craig and... Stormagedden... are asleep right now, like you should be," she said firmly. "But Riverrr" the Doctor whined. "No, sweetie, now lie down and go to sleep." The Doctor sat up quickly and held up his index figure, silently telling her to wait. He scrunched up his face and River was afraid he was going to be sick again. Then, the Doctor, being the intergalactic five-year-old he is, let out the _loudest belch_ he could manage, then promptly fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes.

"River, my tummy hurts..." he said quietly, cuddling up to Rivers pillow, taking in the sweet smell of his wife. River stared at him for a moment, thinking, "Doctor, I'll be back in a minute, I just need to ask Rory and Amy something." River told him. "M'kay, tell Rory the Roman I said heeeey," he slurred sleepily.

River walked across the hallway and knocked on her parent's door. "Mother? Father? Can I come in for a minute?" she called through the door. There was a lot of shuffling and giggling and shushing from the opposite side of the door, "Okay, you can come in!" Rory yelled. River braced herself for whatever she was about to see. Rory was sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but his boxers and a pillow case over his head, and Amy was sitting on the bed, tying up her hair, also only in her underwear.

"Mum, dad, did you, by any chance, give the Doctor some food tonight?" she asked, choosing to ignore the state her parents were in. Rory giggled from his spot on the floor, "Well he said he was hungry, so we stopped at this 'lil stall-thingy on the side of the road, and we got him some food, he ate most of it, but he said it tasted wrong and then he threw the rest at me." Rory said, voice muffled by the pillow case on his head, "and then he was sick into someone's letter box." River sighed, "You shouldn't feed him when he's drunk, it'll make him miserable." She said, more to herself. Amy giggled, "How the hell do you know that?" she asked, "Spoilers" River said with a smirk. Suddenly, Rory, for lack of a better word, _flopped_ face down on the floor, and started to snore quietly, bum sticking up in the air. Amy poked him with her foot, receiving nothing but a grunt from the man. River sighed and turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

When she walked back into the room she shared with the Doctor, the Doctor was lying face down on the bed wearing nothing but a bowtie, a fez and his TARDIS-blue underwear.

"River? I want a baby..." he said quietly, not even opening his eyes. River gasped, and sat down beside the Doctor, rubbing his back yet again. "Why would you say that, Doctor?" she asked quietly. "'Cause Craig has a son, his name is Stormagedden... but he sometimes answers to Alfie... and when I see Craig with him, I just- I just wish I had a family like that... even Rory and Amy had a kid, and she turned out pretty great, so life in the TARDIS can't be _that _bad for a kid..." he murmured, with a small smile. "I just- I feel so lonely _all the time_, well, except when you're around, but that isn't too often either... I just want someone that I can take care of, that won't leave when they get old, or when they feel like they should go home, because my baby would never feel like it should leave to go home. Because the TARDIS _is_ their home."

River watched the Doctor as he spoke, tears in both their eyes. "Oh Doctor..." she sighed. The Doctor curled in on himself, clutching Rivers pillow tightly to his chest. "Doctor, we'll talk about this more when you sober up, okay?" she said, pulling the blankets over him, pulling off his fez and bow-tie. "Okay, River... night-y night, don't let the bed bugs bite your face off, 'cause it's really pretty..." he muttered into the pillow. River sighed and watched her husband as he started to snore slightly. She pulled some of his unruly hair from his face and smiled sadly at the tear tracks on his face. "We'll talk about it, Doctor, I promise." she said quietly. She lay down on the bed, pulled her pillow out of the Doctors arms and smiled slightly when his hands grasped for something to hold and he latched onto his wife, resting his head on her chest and sighing softly with content.

River woke when she heard the Doctor groan softly. He was writhing in the bed, gasping for breath and sweating profusely. "...N-no... R-rose... Martha... Don-donna... Sssarah-Jane... 'Melia..." he gasped. "_Riv-River! No!_" he was shouting now, tears streaming down his face despite the fact that his eyes were screwed shut. "_River!_" he yelled, "_You bastards! You killed her! You killed my wife!"_ he screamed, he was sobbing and gasping now as he squirmed in the bed. River stared at him, almost in a trance. The Doctor groaned and all of a sudden, he convulsed and fell off the bed, landing face down on the floor, gasping for breath. River shook her head and quickly climbed off the bed and went over to her husband. The Doctor was on all fours now, gasping and coughing, which eventually led to vomiting. Not much came up, he had pretty much emptied his stomach earlier, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience for either of them.

"Doctor? Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, nervously. "I- I, ah...um..." he swallowed and leaned back against the wall slightly, squinting when River turned on the lamp, still breathing deeply. "I'm ah, I'm fine, River... just a bad dream, everything's fine, let's go back to sleep." he said quietly, standing up and blinking, trying to get the room to stop spinning. He sat back down on the bed and dropped his head in between his knees, rubbing the back of his neck. River climbed back onto the bed, knelt behind him and started to rub her husband's neck. The Doctor let his hands drop into his lap, sighing in contentment. "Doctor?" she received a grunt in reply. Good enough. "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?" she whispered into his ear. He shook his head, slowly. River knew she wouldn't get anything out of him tonight, so she sighed and slowly pulled the Doctor back to lie down on the bed, once again resting his head on her chest, sighing softly.

The next time River woke, she found the bed empty beside her. She sat up and looked around, the only thing different was River's dressing gown missing from the back of the bedroom door. River got up and pulled the Doctors navy dressing gown from the hook on the door and wrapped it around herself, sliding her feet into the Doctors slippers and walking to the kitchen. When she entered the kitchen, she found her husband and both her parents sitting at the table. The Doctor had his forehead resting on the table, clad in River's purple fluffy dressing gown, a cup of tea sitting beside him. Amy and Rory were sitting across from one another, staring into space, warming their hands on lukewarm cups of tea. River found the silence slightly unnerving. "Doctor-" she began, but was immediately shushed by the Rory and Amy. River poured herself a cup of tea and sat down beside the Doctor, rubbing the back of his neck when he started to snore slightly. The room was silent despite the Doctors snores for a few moments before Amy gagged slightly and ran from the room, knocking over her cup of tea in the process.

Rory moaned slightly and made a weak attempt and wiping up the spilled tea before Amy's retches could be heard and Rory covered his mouth and quickly followed her out of the room. Suddenly the Doctor snorted and sat bolt upright, dazed and confused. "Wazznt me!" he exclaimed, swallowing and squinting in the light. "River... hi" he said, smiling at his wife, giving her a peck on the lips. "Don't worry, I've brushed my teeth." he said with a smile. River smiled back at him. "How are you feeling, Doctor?" she asked cautiously. "Well, River, I think it's safe to say that I've been better." He said with a small smile, never taking his eyes off of his wife.

"Doctor?" River asked, unsure if she should continue. "Mmhm?" he said, toying with his cup of tea. "Last night... you... you said you wanted to, um, maybe have a baby? Now I'm not sure of that was the alcohol talking or-" she was cut off when the Doctor roughly kissed her mouth. "That was most definitely not the alcohol talking. I'm willing to try if you are." he said breathlessly. River barely had time to nod before he crashed their lips together again.


	2. Chapter 2: Captain Jack Attack

"Doctor, I need to talk to you," River said quietly into her husband's ear. The Doctor didn't turn away from the console. "Not now, River, I'm trying to navigate us out of this solar storm. We'll talk in a few minutes," his voice strained as he tried to hold a lever down while reaching for a button that was slightly out of his reach.

River sighed and pressed the button that the Doctor was struggling to press. "Doctor, it's kind of urgent." River pressed. Amy looked up curiously from her magazine, "What is it, Mels?" she asked. Rory sat up curiously as well. River's eyes widened slightly, "Um... nothing, it's nothing," she said, trying to pass it off as nothing. Rory nodded and sat back, continuing to play games on his phone, however, Amy wasn't buying it, although she decided to leave it for now.

The Doctor hit a final button and took a deep breath as he looked at the screen. He leaned on the console and wiped his forehead. He was just about to turn to River when the console started to beep and the lights started to flash. The Doctor quickly looked to screen, eyes widened and, all the while muttering "no, no, no, no, no," he jumped down the steps and started examining the cables underneath the glass floor. He started to panic and grabbed a large handful of cables and pulled.

The Doctor and his companions were in the dark for four days.

"Doctor, I really need to talk to you," River said quietly. The Doctor had just spent the past four days trying to restore power to the TARDIS. He could hardly stand upright. River had to steer him towards their room. The Doctor blinked at her, "wh-what is it, River? Wh-what's the matter with my lovely wife?" he said with an absentminded smile. Oh God, he's drunk with tiredness.

The Doctor grunted as he fell to the ground, slamming his head on a table corner on the way down. Fortunately he was so out of it he didn't notice the small trickle of blood running down the right side of his face. River fetched Rory who quickly turned to nurse mode. He cleaned the small cut and told River that he was fine, just to keep an eye on him. Like she wasn't doing that already.

River sighed. She wasn't going to get much out of him tonight. "It's alright, sweetie, we'll talk about it tomorrow, it can wait." The Doctor sat up straight. "No!" he exclaimed. "You want to talk and I want to listen!" he said loudly, crossing his arms.

River knew she had to tell him something, even if it wasn't what she needed to. "Um... I was going to tell you that the TARDIS brakes were on... it's okay though, I turned them off." River prayed that he would buy it. Luckily the Doctor was too tired to even tell River and Rory apart. "Thank you, River," he said, giving her a peck on the lips. River smiled, "No problem, sweetie, now, you go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning, okay?" The Doctor nodded and lay down. "Night night, River, love you," he said, eyes already closed. Within seconds he was asleep.

"Doctor I need to talk-"

"Okay Ponds!" The Doctor exclaimed loudly, obviously not hearing his wife. "The TARDIS needs to refuel, so we will be spending the next..." he checked his watch, "...21 hours in Cardiff. Not very spacey, I know but-" he was interrupted by a loud banging at the door. Amy and Rory looked confused. People don't usually knock on the TARDIS. The Doctor smiled mischievously. He ran to the door and flung it open to reveal none other than Captain Jack Harkness.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around his friends neck as Jack laughed, "Whoa, okay, Doc, you seem to change face every time I see you! How long are you in town for?" Jack seemed excited. The Doctor grinned excitedly, "21 hours, so let's go! No time to lose! Come along, Ponds!" he screamed. He stopped when River didn't follow him.

"River? Aren't you coming?" he asked with a pout. River smiled and kissed his cheek, "No sweetie, I'm going to stay here, but you go and have fun with your friends, I'll talk to you later, okay?" The Doctor looked disappointed but soon shook his head and threw his arm around Jack. "Come along, Ponds!" he screamed.

River had been sitting in the console room, reading, when The Doctor, her parents and Jack stumbled in. River sighed as she smelled the vodka from the other side of the room.

"Doctor?" she asked cautiously, "how much have you had to drink? And how on Earth did you find another fez in Cardiff?" The Doctor stumbled over to his wife. "Don' worry, Riv'r, I on'y h-had a teeny tiny bit to drink. And I know tha' 'cause the glasses were teeny tiny!" he said with a proud look. Realisation dawned on River's face when she realised that he was talking about shots.

River glanced across the room to where Jack had fallen asleep with his face in the console and Rory and Amy were sharing a kebab. They'll be fine, thought River. It was the Doctor she was more worried about. He had started to do up the buttons on his opened shirt and somehow got the button on his cuff stuck in the top hole of his shirt, so he started to grunt as he tried to get his own hand out of his face.

River unbuttoned him and his hand fell to his side. He looked down at his stained shirt confusedly and then back to River. He blinked. "Riv'r..." he warned. River grabbed her husband turned him around, so as to not have a repeat of last time. The Doctor paled and as soon as he was turned he was sick onto the floor of the TARDIS.

He groaned and turned to hug his wife who rubbed his back as he whimpered. "Riv'r?" he said quietly. River just hummed soothingly. "Riv'r, I wanna go t'bed," he whined. River nodded sympathetically. "Let's go then, shall we?" She grabbed her husband by the shoulders and steered him towards their room, being careful not to step in the pile of sick on the floor.

Once the Doctor got to his room, he ran and jumped onto his bed. However, he miscalculated the jump and completely cleared the bed and landed straight onto the floor.

He groaned.

River helped him up onto the best and pulled his shirt and shoes off. "Riv'r..." he said quietly, "...I love you so much... I don't want anything to change from the way they are now-"

"-I'm pregnant!" she blurted out.

That sobered him up.

"Yo-You're what?" he asked incredulously, sitting up. "Are you serious?"

There was no emotion on his face. River was worried. What if he didn't want this child.

Then his face broke out into a grin. "That's amazing! Oh Rassilon, I'm going to be a father! Oh, I wonder if it's a girl or a boy! I'm going to have to find a room for them on the TARDIS, Oh wait, what if it's twins! Or triplets! Or quadruplets! Or whatever five kids is called!"

River had to kiss him just to make him shut up.

**A/N: Hey Guys! Thanks for the lovely reviews! I'm new to writing fanfic so I didn't expect this to be as popular as this! This was really supposed to be a one shot but so many people asked me to continue it so I thought I would! I'm really not sure if I should continue from here though... So let me know if you want me to keep going!**


	3. Chapter 3: Single Parenting

River's suitcase sits packed in the console room, he saw it there, but the Doctor is putting off her departure; the minute he walks in she'll say her goodbyes and he'll be thrown into two and a half weeks of single parenthood.

So he settled in the nursery twenty minutes ago with the babies, and they're now on their second picture book, about a Raxacoricofallapitorian, with plenty of finger puppets for him to voice. Some blocks distracted Luke a while back, but Oscar remains in his lap, trying to catch the wriggling puppets before he pulls his hands away.

"Doctor."

River stands in the door, looking exasperated. Ryan wriggles by her into the room, coming to sit with Luke and prodding his brother curiously.

"Hi," the Doctor manages. Ozzy gets hold of one of his fingers and bites down, hard. He yelps.

"I've got to get back to Stormcage." Does River really have to go back to Stormcage? She's in there for her murder and he's not even dead. Why can't they send someone else? Someone without triplets and a husband, someone who has two weeks to spare.

"Okay," he says, trying to sound cheery. He presses a kiss to Luke's fine brown curls; Ozzy is the only one who got Amy's red hair but he doesn't mind that much.

"Doctor," she reproves, and he sighs, clamouring to his feet.

"Everyone say bye-bye to Mommy." And she gives each of the kids numerous kisses, Ryan pretending to wipe the saliva from his cheek and Luke and Ozzy coming back for more. She kisses the Doctor, too, with Luke between them grabbing at her hair.

"Everything's going to be fine," River announces, hands on his shoulders. "And I told Amy and Rory to be ready in case you called needing help. And you know where all the emergency numbers are."

"I wish you'd let me hire a nanny. Really, I could get someone here in no time!" It's not that they aren't capable parents, or that their children aren't angels, or that they're too busy to do the raising themselves. In a TARDIS with triplets there are more sleepless nights than restful ones, more tears than smiles. The past year, since the boys were born, has been the most emotionally and physically exhausting time in his life since he lost Rose. And now River is leaving him to do it alone.

"No nannies," Rory insists. "We've got a sitter, you can call her too if you need something." The first time they had this argument, she told him nannies were harmful to parent-child bonding, and when he responded that _he _had a nanny until he was 33, it only proved her point. "You're like a five-year-old with ADHD, no offence," she had said. The Doctor nodded, "None taken."

The Doctor's subsequent groan earns him another kiss. River strokes Ozzy's head, sighing.

"Don't forget to call me the second he talks." Luke and Ozzy's first words had come a couple of weeks earlier: _mama_, meaning Mama and _baba_, meaning Dada. "Or if Ozzy walks. And there better be a video. He grins. "Yes, ma'am."

"And don't ma'am me." River takes a last look at the room and the people in it. "Okay. Stormcage. I'll call when I get in. Love you."

"Love you too," he manages. A final kiss and she's gone.

_Everything's going to be fine._ The power goes out on the fourth day. He really needs to fix that cable.

The dark apartment scares the boys and they cry while the Doctor tries to get all the baby formula from the fridge and into a cooler packed with ice. He gives them each a bit of ice-cream – it's all melting anyway – and it soothes the tension – until their sugar rushes kick in, that is.

It's half an hour before the Doctor can breathe, let alone sit, settling in the library across from the boys' room because the monitor isn't working. He offers to read to Ryan and Luke, Ozzy had fallen asleep, who have calmed down.

The little kids pouts, their whole face's contorting, both looking strikingly similar. They shook their heads at each book that was placed in front of them.

Ryan hops up, starting for the bookshelf, and the Doctor follows behind. He can only ever really feel his age when he has to stand up in a hurry. Ryan pulls a thick volume from one of the lower shelves.

"Oh, that's a photo album." The Doctor takes it gingerly from his son, who frowns.

"It's got pictures of your mommy and me, and all my old friends." He'd recognised it immediately, even in the dim light.

Ryan tugs the album away and returns to the sofa beside his brother, flipping the book open. Most of the pictures haven't seen the light of day in five hundred years, and some go back even further. The Doctor joins them, bringing one of the candles closer to improve their view.

Luke points to a photo.

"That's Arcadia, which is a faraway place called Gallifrey, where I used to live." He taps his figure, dwarfed by the city. "There I am, see?"

Luke pouted, unimpressed.

"It's a very special city that's important to me and a lot of people. And when people see the city, they think of this great planet."

He messes the children's hair. Luke points out an older, very different picture.

Oh, he really does look different. And River too. "We were very young. We were at a Library; we were just getting to know each other." He feels a twinge of belated embarrassment, looking at himself all pink-cheeked and clueless, with his screwdriver in front of his face.

The Doctor's still staring at the photograph, remembering what he can from that night. Hadn't she died that night? Something like that. He wishes he had known, or that all their friends who now claim to have seen it all along might've said something. But he has inkling, the tiniest of certainties that he wouldn't have listened. And they got a story out of the journey, anyway; we're all just stories in the end. They'd made it a good one.

Ryan shoves the album away, hopping off the sofa and back to the bookshelf, Luke following him like a little puppy.

The Doctor holds it in his lap. He really ought to frame some of these, they're precious. "Dada," Luke lisps, waving his arms, needing attention. The Doctor smiles and sets the book aside.

River's return a couple of weeks later is a noisy production, all shouts and hugs and most of them from The Doctor. He wraps her in his arms as if it's been a million years since they last touched, and doesn't let go for a full minute, prompting her to ask, "What's the matter with you?"

Nothing's the matter. This is usual; this is the plainest version of himself. "I missed you," he says, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Welcome home."


	4. Chapter 4: Please

"I want it!"

"What do you say, Luke?"

"I want it now!"

"What do you say when you want something?"

"Give it to me!"

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes the Doctor and River stood in the aisle of the toy store, trying to get their four-year-old son, Lucas, to say 'please.'

Eventually, after a threat to leave the store and go straight back to the TARDIS, Luke finally opted to say 'please.'

"Please."

It was then that River bought the _Nintendo Wii_ for her children. River went up to pay for the games console, their three eldest sons following excitedly. A thought crossed the Doctor's mind as he pushed his youngest sons, Anthony and Isaac in a stroller. This was becoming somewhat of a routine, not the shopping, but Luke's reluctance to say 'please.' The Doctor was worried that Luke would start to think that asking for something includes the fifteen minute argument _and then_ him saying 'please.'

The Doctor knew this was stupid, that his son will eventually learn his basic manners, he wouldn't still be like this when he was eighteen, asking a girl out and screaming at her for fifteen minutes before saying 'please,' but the Doctor still wanted to get his son out of this habit.

Once they had gotten home, River had gone to visit Amy and Rory leaving the kids with their father, so the Doctor decided to set up the _Wii._

An hour later, the Doctor and Luke were nearing the end of a 30-minute tennis match. Anthony had fallen asleep soon after arriving home, and Ryan, Isaac and Ozzy had left the room when the Doctor had started flailing about, moving as though he was in a state of surprise at his own limbs. Luke was desperately trying to beat his father and the Doctor had gotten so into it that he seemed to have forgotten he was playing a four-year-old boy. Luke had started to fall behind when Ozzy slipped back into the room.

"Daddy?" Ozzy asked and looked up just in time to see the Doctor approach him with what appeared to be a white brick, and smacked him right across the face, to which the Doctor screamed "_YES!" _

Then his eyes widened as he realised what he had done.

Luke paused the game and gaped at his father. Ozzy, who had started to cry, was pushing his father away as the Doctor tried to pick him up and running to hold on to his brother.

"Daddy! You just punched Ozzy in the face!" Luke said, astonished as the little boy hugged him.

"Yes, just don't tell your mother!"

"I'm telling Mommy!"

"No, don't tell your mother!"

"I'm telling Mommy!"

The Doctor was getting desperate. "Please?"

"I want another Wii game!"

"Whatever you want!" The Doctor sighed. "Fine, let's go, come on Ozzy, you can have one too," he said as he strapped his youngest sons into their stroller, grabbed the Ryan and gave Ozzy some ice cream to calm him down.

As the Doctor walked his children out of the TARDIS, Luke tugged on his hand and, looking at the floor, uttered "thanks."

The Doctor sighed.

**A/N: Okay guys, this is the last chapter. It's not very long and it is based somewhat on Michael McIntyre, but I don't have anymore to say on this story. Any prompts pm me and I'll promise I'll do it :) Thanks guys!**


	5. Chapter 5: First Day

The Doctor had been dreading this day since the day his sons were born. There was crying in the TARDIS. The Doctor didn't like crying. He picked up his youngest son, Isaac, and held him close. The Doctor was close to crying too but he didn't want to show it. He didn't want to see his eldest children head off on their first day of school.

The triplets were stood in the console room, River brushing each boy's hair to perfection. Anthony sat at her feet, the two-year-old trying to tie his shoes laces and failing miserably.

Isaac wrapped his arms around his father's shoulders, sobbing because he didn't want his brothers to go to school and leave him for the day. The Doctor rubbed his sons back and strode in to wish his sons 'good luck.'

The Doctor and River had decided on an Earth school down the road from Amy and Rory. The boys had spent the majority of their lives on Earth, the Doctor decided not take them too far from Earth until they were older. These boys were his life and he'd die before anything ever happened to them.

Ryan, Lucas and Oscar stood in a line, each as identical as the next in their blazers and ties. River stood back and looked proudly at her three sons, picking Anthony up from the floor.

The Doctor decided to speak. "Okay, boys! Today is you first day of school. Now, there are a few rules about going to school. You must be nice to everyone, and I mean _everyone._ You must say 'please' and 'thank you,' and I'm looking at you, Lucas." He said pointing a finger in his sons face, causing him and his brothers to giggle.

"And one last rule, guys," he said, kneeling down in front of his eldest sons. "Don't have too much fun without me." His sons nodded with a grin plastered onto each of their faces. The Doctor opened the door to reveal Amy and Rory, who were posing as the boy's parents for school in case the Doctor regenerated or River was in Stormcage. "You guys be good for Granny and Granddad and we'll pick you up later, okay?" Ryan and Lucas nodded and headed towards the door, but Oscar stayed where he was, looking up at his father innocently.

The Doctor knelt down in front of the youngest of the triplets, "What is it, buddy?" he said, while setting his youngest son on the ground and watching him run to his mother. "Daddy?" he asked, with his slight lisp. "Daddy, I don't wanna go to school. I wanna stay here with you and Mommy," he said quietly, with tears in his eyes.

The Doctor hugged him close. "Oh, buddy, you've got to go to school, eh? Cos if you don't, you're not gonna get a job! And besides, you're gonna have so much fun in school! I still remember my first day of school. We had so much fun, but I didn't want to leave my Mommy and Daddy either. But look at me now! Eh?" The Doctor kissed his sons forehead. "I'm having so much fun now too! And me and Mommy will be here waiting for you when you come home."

The Doctor wiped the tears from his son's eyes. "Now you run along, don't want to be late for your first day." Oscar smiled and ran after his brothers, unaware of the tears in his father's eyes. "Hey!" he called after them just as Rory was closing the door. "If you're going to be naughty, just do it without getting caught." He said with a wink. He laughed as River slapped his arm.

The Doctor lay underneath the glass floor of the TARDIS, fixing some cables, trying to pass the time until his sons came home. Isaac and Anthony were sitting at his feet, trying to tie his shoelaces together. The Doctor was starting to realise this was going to be a rather large job when the door slammed open and he heard three young voices scream "Hi Daddy!" and River laughing.

Anthony and Isaac shot up and ran towards their brothers, screaming with delight and the Doctor stood up slowly and made to move towards his family.

However, he didn't get too far, as his sons had done a rather good job of tying his shoelaces together, and he fell to the floor, causing his children to giggle. When the Doctor sat there and made no move to stand up, Ryan decided to take advantage of the situation and jump, landing on his father's stomach. When the Doctor didn't protest, Luke and Oscar decided to make it a pile-on. Which was quickly completed by Anthony and Isaac.

As the Doctor wrapped his arms around his children, he thought of how lucky he was to have such a happy family. He wondered why he didn't start another family years ago. But when he looked up at River, and Amy and Rory, he just knew that what he was doing was right.

As the Doctor sat his children down at the table half an hour later. He realised he had forgotten to ask, "So, guys, how was school?" This was met with three excited, high-pitched voices, each wanting to tell their parents about their day. The Doctor just sat back, and listened to the chaos around him. He smiled.


	6. Chapter 6: The Zoo

There was screaming in the TARDIS. The Doctor didn't like screaming. Especially if it was his own children. Ryan, Luke and Ozzy were running around the console room, ducking in, out and around the Doctor's legs. Anthony and Isaac were chasing each other around the console itself, the TARDIS beeping to entertain the young boys, who were each emitting an ear-piercing scream.  
>The Doctor sighed and threw a pleading look at River. It was at this point that Anthony and Isaac each changed directions, ran around the console and ran straight into each other, each knocking the other to the floor.<br>There was a moment of silence before the screaming cries started.  
>River and the Doctor each grabbed one of the twins and held them close, shushing them and rubbing their backs while they sobbed.<br>River threw a look at the Doctor, "What can I say, sweetie, the boys are bored."  
>The Doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise. "They can't be bored, they have an arcade down the hall!"<br>River rolled her eyes, "They've completed every game, they need to be entertained!"  
>The Doctor put one hand on his hip and used the other arm to hold his youngest son, "So what do you propose I do?"<br>River shrugged while wiping her son's nose, "I don't know! Take them to the zoo or something!"  
>There was silence in the TARDIS.<br>"Zoo! Zoo! Zoo! Zoo!..." was chanted as the five brothers hung out of their parents, pleading to leave the ship. The Doctor sighed once more. I guess we're going to the zoo...  
>River ran ahead, trying to part the wrestling match between Luke and Ryan, while trying to carry Ozzy as well. The Doctor smirked to himself as he pushed his youngest sons in their stroller, each babbling away, thinking the Doctor was listening to them.<br>River was scolding Luke and Ryan for fighting so Ozzy trailed behind and grabbed his father's hand. Ozzy had always been the quietest and smallest of the triplets and often latched onto his father while his brothers acted up.  
>The Doctor ruffled his son's hair and lifted him up to stand on the back of the double stroller. Ozzy gigged and held on to the handles of the stroller, peering over the fences at the animals from his new-found height.<br>"Look, Duddy, Look! A gwaffe!" Ozzy exclaimed, pointing at the animal. "Cah we go closer?" he asked. The Doctor smiled, "No, bubby, we have to stay behind this fence but c'mere..." The Doctor grunted as he lifted his five-year-old son on to his shoulders and he gigged excitedly as the giraffe approached the fence.  
>The Doctor smiled and watched his son giggle and laugh as the giraffe waked around and ate from the trees.<br>Once the boys got bored of the giraffe, and admitted they were hungry, River produced a picnic basket and suggested they go to the playground. Ryan and Luke ran as soon as they saw the swings but Ozzy, being the polite one of the three, looked to his father for approval. The Doctor kissed his forehead and pushed his son gently towards the swing set and smiled as he watched him run.  
>Anthony and Isaac were squirming to get out of the stroller so the Doctor let them off and smirked as they ran.<br>The Doctor sat down beside his wife and rubbed a hand through his hair. River unpacked the lunch from the stroller and smiled at the Doctor.  
>"I think I'll leave the boys with my parents tomorrow night, give us a break," she said with a smirk, giving him a peck on the lips. The Doctor smiled and kissed her back.<br>"EW!"  
>The Doctor and River looked up to see Ryan and Luke standing before them.<br>They sighed.  
>AN: Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, but I really hadn't planned on continuing any further and then just wrote this in bed last night when my mum turned the internet off on me :/ As always, review and any prompts, don't be shy! Follow me on Twitter Clairekf23 


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